Japan... It's like living at the circus
The Yomiuri Shimbun
Dear Troubleshooter:
I’m a homemaker in my 30s, and my parents have asked me to find a wife for my older brother, who is four years older than me.
He has been away from home since he was a middle school student, when he began living in a dorm. I heard he was bullied there as he was shy and quiet. He began indulging in playing video games, although I don’t know whether the bullying got him into the habit.
After he entered university and began living by himself, he spent most of the money my parents sent to him on his hobbies. He repeated a year at the university due to his lifestyle. As a result, my parents reduced the amount of money they sent to him, and he called them and heaped abuse on them over it.
I felt very sorry for my parents, and I hated my brother. But when I criticized him, my mother got fiercely angry. So I stopped criticizing him. I married and left home as if I were running away.
I heard my brother works at a grocery store now, and my parents want him to marry. However, he is middle-aged, obese, wears shabby clothes and spouts narrow-minded theories in a high-pitched voice. I wonder who on earth would want to marry him.
Do you have any good ideas?
C, Fukui Prefecture
Dear Mrs. C:
A specialist in spouse hunting could probably answer better than me. In the first place, however, I feel there are many things that should be done and problems that should be solved before jumping ahead to his marriage.
Particularly, I’m concerned about whether he has grown out of his video-game habit. Even if he is over it, does he regret heaping abuse on his parents when he was a student and having them send money to him to play games?
And have your parents forgiven this behavior? If they didn’t have him atone for it, it’s also a grave matter. If these problems have not been solved, he is just dragging out issues dating back to his school days, somewhat like extra innings in a baseball game, and he is immature for an adult man. I also must stress that talking about his marriage without solving these problems doesn’t make any sense.
It’s natural that parents impatiently want their children to marry, but before that, these children should be mature adults.
If the main problems are cleared up, he will at least be ready to be introduced to a potential marriage partner, even though he may still appear a bit clumsy, speak in a high-pitched voice or not be used to being around women. The outcome will depend on him.
Soichiro Nomura, psychiatrist
Dear Troubleshooter:
I’m a homemaker in my 30s, and my parents have asked me to find a wife for my older brother, who is four years older than me.
He has been away from home since he was a middle school student, when he began living in a dorm. I heard he was bullied there as he was shy and quiet. He began indulging in playing video games, although I don’t know whether the bullying got him into the habit.
After he entered university and began living by himself, he spent most of the money my parents sent to him on his hobbies. He repeated a year at the university due to his lifestyle. As a result, my parents reduced the amount of money they sent to him, and he called them and heaped abuse on them over it.
I felt very sorry for my parents, and I hated my brother. But when I criticized him, my mother got fiercely angry. So I stopped criticizing him. I married and left home as if I were running away.
I heard my brother works at a grocery store now, and my parents want him to marry. However, he is middle-aged, obese, wears shabby clothes and spouts narrow-minded theories in a high-pitched voice. I wonder who on earth would want to marry him.
Do you have any good ideas?
C, Fukui Prefecture
Dear Mrs. C:
A specialist in spouse hunting could probably answer better than me. In the first place, however, I feel there are many things that should be done and problems that should be solved before jumping ahead to his marriage.
Particularly, I’m concerned about whether he has grown out of his video-game habit. Even if he is over it, does he regret heaping abuse on his parents when he was a student and having them send money to him to play games?
And have your parents forgiven this behavior? If they didn’t have him atone for it, it’s also a grave matter. If these problems have not been solved, he is just dragging out issues dating back to his school days, somewhat like extra innings in a baseball game, and he is immature for an adult man. I also must stress that talking about his marriage without solving these problems doesn’t make any sense.
It’s natural that parents impatiently want their children to marry, but before that, these children should be mature adults.
If the main problems are cleared up, he will at least be ready to be introduced to a potential marriage partner, even though he may still appear a bit clumsy, speak in a high-pitched voice or not be used to being around women. The outcome will depend on him.
Soichiro Nomura, psychiatrist
Wazuuuu!